Pray. Have Faith. Trust God.

 

Sometime around November, I told my landlord that I wanted to talk to him, and he told me he wanted to talk to me too. After having been out of work since March 2020 (receiving unemployment while simultaneously receiving rejection after rejection for FT work (not hiring right now, not selected, different direction, etc), taking on small jobs here and there, volunteering at an art space in Asbury Park, NJ), I found a "dream job" opportunity working as a gallery assistant for a fine art gallery in Pennsylvania. It was part-time and minimum wage, but I couldn't be happier for the experience of it. It was something rather than nothing while I continued to search for FT work.

The unemployment benefits had recently ended, and with this part-time job that was an hour away from home, I quickly began falling way behind on my bills. I continued paying rent, although it would take weeks to catch up. I kept my landlord informed and he was quite understanding and patient. Up until this point, I was on time with full rent payments for the previous three years. 

My landlord's wife had recently had a baby and he told me they wanted their parents to move in, from another country. This meant they would need the upstairs apartment that we were living in. He gave us until the end of December, which was just a little over a month away.  I gulped, forced an understanding smile, and remained calm. This news was both shocking and liberating at the same time. I had been wanting to move but felt I couldn't ... how?? ... part time job, a partner who isn't able to work, my daughter, and our pregnant dog ... 

I applied for assistance, but there was a waiting list and time was ticking. I remained calm, put my trust in my Higher Power and continued taking one next step at a time. I had no idea how it would unfold, and while it was unnerving to explain to my family, it was exciting to be open to "What's next, God?".

He didn't disappoint.

Friends and family asked "What are you going to do?"  Pray. Have Faith. Trust God.

I had sent a birthday card to my Mom in November, and included in my note that I would be moving soon too - they had been packing up their house in Florida since August, waiting on their new house to be built. My mom had been stressing about how the two of them were going to get it all done, because neither of them are truly physically able to handle that much work without seriously compromising themselves. She asked if I could manage to come down and help them; they needed all the help they could possibly get. I told her I would try, but not sure how I could manage with my work schedule, family, pets, sharing one car, etc.

I talked to my friends and network, shared about my situation, told them my mom needed help and how I felt sad and guilty that I probably wasn't going to be able to pull it off.

I continued to pray. Stay open, I reminded myself.

Mom called to thank me for the card and asked about why I was having to move. She then offered that I could stay with them until I found a place, since time was quickly running out. Chances were that I wasn't going to get my full security deposit back, I had no savings to rent a new apartment, nor did I have stable income. But how could I manage that? Knowing my Mom's comfort level and boundaries, I knew better than to even truly consider staying there ... she hadn't met my partner yet, and my pregnant dog wouldn't go over well with their three dogs.  

I was adamant about not moving in with my Mom. I'm not leaving New Jersey. I'm not leaving my family, my new job, our dog ... there was just no way ... as far as I could see it anyway.

"Stay open," I kept hearing this message in my head and in my heart. "Let go, Let God."

I texted my Mom, "If you were serious, I'd like to take you up on the offer. It will just be me."